Keeping It REALty

The Real- Tea on Letting Go in Relationships and Choosing Yourself

• Gabriella DeAngelis

Share episode

Ever felt trapped in a loveless relationship? In this discussion, I confront the intricate process of putting your foot down and cherishing your own happiness above all else. 
We dive deep into the tumultuous journey of breaking up and rediscovering your own worth. 

Navigating a breakup can be an emotional rollercoaster, but it's crucial to recognize when it's time to let someone go, and more importantly, when it's time to choose yourself.  We discuss the powerful reasons why staying in a relationship for the wrong reasons can be detrimental to your personal growth and well-being. Discover the empowering lessons and insights that will inspire you to embark on your own path of self-discovery and liberation. Don't miss this episode, as it's bound to resonate with anyone who has ever struggled with the decision to let go and embrace their own journey of self-fulfillment.

 Let's navigate this candid conversation about breakups, personal growth, and self-love together. Remember, choosing yourself is not a sign of selfishness, but a necessary act of self-love.

Website
https://www.livingwithellagance.com/
Blogs
https://www.livingwithellagance.com/blog
Instagram
https://instagram.com/gabriellasellsky?igshid=ZWQyN2ExYTkwZQ==
Main Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/gabriella_deangelis1/?igshid=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA%3D%3D&utm_source=qr
TikTok
https://www.tiktok.com/@gabriellasellsky?_t=8d9JiBq8cEI&_r=1
Youtube
https://www.youtube.com/@LivingWithEllagance/videos

Speaker 1:

Keeping Realty is available Wednesday of each week, produced by Gabriela DeAngeles. The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are solely those of the podcast author or individuals participating in the podcast and do not represent the views or positions of any entities they represent. Coal Banker Realty is owned by a subsidiary of Anywhere Advisors LLC. Coal Banker is a registered service mark owned by Coal Banker Real Estate LLC.

Speaker 2:

If you are in a relationship and you're feeling alone, whether you feel that they don't care about you anymore, they're not interested, they're not making any effort, but maybe you're holding on because you think that they're going to change, or they're going to work on what they say they're going to because they're your best friend, or you're scared to be alone, or you're really close to their family. We've all been through it, we all have that, and we need to talk through it, though, and you're going to get to a point where you need to realize when it's time to let go, when has it been too much, when is it time to choose yourself, and in this episode, I really want to talk about it because I wish, months ago, when I was going through something like this, I wish I had listened to something like this, because I think it would have helped me really just put my foot down and be like, okay, yep, all these things I'm going through, I need to be done and I need to close the doors, and maybe something better will come. Maybe it will help. No matter what, I hope this episode helps you understand that sometimes, choosing yourself leads to better outcomes, so let's just get into it. Hello, guys and welcome back to Keeping it Realty.

Speaker 2:

I know it's been a while. I went on vacation and I did the big shift, which was very much needed, but, with all of that being said, I really want to make Keeping it Realty into helping you guys with whatever you're going through. So if you are wanting me to talk about something specific, dm me. I get a ton of DMs from you guys all the time that listen to my podcast and I want to hear what you guys want me to talk about about lifestyle, about going through changes, about going through breakups, about going through whatever it may be. I know I still haven't responded to some of you, which I will try my best. I've just been pretty busy with work and everything.

Speaker 2:

But before we get into this and talking about when to let go of somebody, I want to say two very important things, number one being that this is not targeted at my ex whatsoever, and number two is that it is really crucial and really hard to think about yourself and the part of the relationship that you did wrong and I'm not saying that you didn't do. Maybe he cheated and then he has just not cared ever since, or she cheated, whatever it is. I'm just saying that it's really hard to not think about what you did, because when I reflect on my relationships in my past, I always think about what they do wrong, what they do wrong, and it's really important to take a moment, take a step back and think about the things that you do wrong, the things that they ask you to fix, because in this episode we're going to talk about a lot of when to let go and all these things. I'm sure that I'm saying you're like they do that, they do that, they do that, but try to remember the things that you maybe do sometimes too, and maybe you're perfect like me, just kidding and you didn't do anything wrong and really you were just asking repeatedly to work on things and they weren't doing that.

Speaker 2:

Okay, the first thing I want to say is no matter what, letting somebody go isn't easy, and I'm going to tell you now that if you do, after listening to this podcast or in a month, you decide you know what I don't want to be with this person anymore. I can't take it anymore. There are going to be days, I'm sure, of you regretting it. There's going to be days of you sitting in your bed where you're crying and you're wishing that you were still dating them and honestly, I begged and begged and tried to get back together with Max and you can only try so hard before you realize you know what they're not meant to be in your life at that point. But it's really important that you understand and you accept the fact that it is not easy. But it is so important to remember that it can either open doors to something better for you and someone better to come in your life, or it can actually help your current situation, because there have been a lot of times, even in my past relationships and plenty of people I know, where hitting rock bottom and breaking up actually helps them get back together and improve their relationship, because you kind of realize, wow, how much they mean to you, how much you're willing to work and fix on certain things when they're not in your life anymore.

Speaker 2:

And with all that being said, I want to say one thing is if you decide to let somebody go, don't be their friend just because you want to be able to talk to them every day. And it's hard because they're your best friend and you're used to talking to them every single second and the first thing that it's going to do is going to do nothing, but keep everything the way it is, because they still have you in their life. They aren't used to not going days without talking to you and no contact is seriously so important. Because when you break up with somebody and you're like we can stay friends, we'll just be friends. I tried. It doesn't work. It literally doesn't work. And why wouldn't they want the best of both worlds? Why wouldn't they want to be your friend but also be able to get whoever else they want? So do not be friends with them. You need to.

Speaker 2:

If you are going to break up with somebody and you're going to let them go to either find the better version of yourself or find somebody new and open doors to something better in your life, then you need to let them go completely, because there is a reason that you're letting them go. Let them go. Don't just partially do it. It doesn't work, okay, okay. One thing also that is important to remember is I know you're probably staying with somebody for part of the reason being that you can't stand the thought of them being with somebody else. Right, but what you need to remember is that if they are Going to go to somebody else right after that new girl or boy, whatever the situation is is going to have the same problems that you're dealing with. Let them, because that girl or guy is just going to struggle just as much as you are right now, if not worse, because they're going to have to find out later and they could only get worse because they're dealing with the breakup on top of everything they didn't heal. So just remember that that new girl or new guy is going to go through exactly what you're going through, and why would you want to go through that? Okay, breaking up is okay, starting over is okay, moving on is okay.

Speaker 2:

But what's not okay is letting somebody treat you the way that you're letting them treat you. If you want to be with somebody that doesn't appreciate you and doesn't love you and doesn't care About you and isn't fighting for you, then don't be with them and you have to make that decision and you have to realize that you know what. It's time I need to put my foot down and I'm ready to let this person go and maybe they'll come back. Maybe they'll come back even better because they realize you know what she I'm not going to get somebody like her again and nobody else is going to put up with me. So I want her back and they're going to realize, when you're not there anymore, that damn like she Brought so much to me and for me. So it's important that you cannot stay with somebody that is not Bringing you happiness. If they are causing you more pain than they are happiness, let them go, okay.

Speaker 2:

The next thing I want to say is I know starting over isn't easy, especially when you spend every single second with that person and you're so close with their family or you're so close with their friends or you have the same friend group. I don't care what the situation or what the circumstance is, but you deserve to feel loved again and you deserve to be happy and you deserve to be cared for and you deserve to be have somebody putting in the effort that you are putting in for them and you deserve to have somebody caring about you the way that they or you are caring about them. And when you're not getting that, it not only affects your relationship but affects you. And when it becomes to get to a point where you're trying and you're trying so hard and you see yourself slowly just Feeling just so down all the time, and no matter how much they're trying to be nice and fix things, it doesn't matter, because you know what they already did so much damage that Every time they try to be nice, you think of the bad things. It's time to let go.

Speaker 2:

What you tolerate and what you allow in your life is what you're going to get. So you cannot expect to have good things coming your way when you are allowing and tolerating this person to treat you the way that you're being treated. No matter how much you stick up for yourself, no matter how much you let them know how much it's hurting you and they aren't fixing it, you need to let them go. Good things will come your way If you make room for them. So, with all that being said, you're gonna have to do what's best for you, even when it feels like shit and even when it's hard and even when it feels like it's impossible. Sometimes, like when I was going through it, I couldn't even think of the thought of breaking up with them because I was like what am I gonna do every day? Who am I gonna talk to every day? And I am so much more independent and feel like I can do so many more things on my own. I was getting to a point where I didn't even want to like cook it gasp by myself, because I was just so used to doing it with them.

Speaker 2:

And when you have that person walk out of your life, or you walk out of their life, you are going to be struggling for a little while. That is something, though, you have to accept before you let them go, because you need to understand that it takes a process to get to this point where you're better without them, and maybe, when you do let them go, they're gonna come back into your life because they see that you're doing okay. They see like, oh, you know what, we're not together and she's not texting me every day, and she's not doing this and that, and she's not begging for me back, and you know what. That may make them realize. Damn, she's a good one, and I regret this.

Speaker 2:

If, every time, you go to think about working up with them, but you think about all your past memories and you're hanging on to this like your past, on what you guys have done together and the family and everything, that is not a reason to stay with somebody, because, guess what, you are literally just causing yourself to hurt for the rest of your life. And if they're hurting you right now and they have been for the last year and you're still not out of it and you've been continuing and continuing to bring up what you want them to fix and they're not, leave them because it's not going to change and you're gonna be stuck with that pain and hurt and begging for them to just do one simple thing for the rest of your life. And if that is what you wanna choose to tolerate in your life, then do it, but I wouldn't suggest it. Another thing that I wanna say is when you are emotionally over it and you get to a point where you don't even care to be around them anymore, you don't even care to text them back, you don't care to call them every day or tell them good morning or whatever it is it's time to let them go Because, unfortunately, no matter how much that you try to get yourself to fall back into that and I know you're probably telling yourself like it's gonna get better or you're gonna work on it and you guys are gonna come out stronger but you have to let them go, because when you hit that point, it takes a lot more than just working on it to be in a healthy relationship again. And it takes rock bottom and it takes breaking up. So when you are emotionally over it and you physically cannot handle dealing with them anymore, you don't even wanna talk to them anymore. You're always feeling on edge and you just never know what's gonna happen. You need to let them go. You're gonna find yourself, you're gonna come out better and at the end of the day you have to do what's best for you. And if you're not choosing yourself, then you're choosing them and their happiness.

Speaker 2:

And when you are currently struggling and whatever you're going through and you're crying every day and you're asking them to work on it or you're asking them to just do one little thing, that doesn't seem like a big deal and they make it such a big deal and they're gaslighting you and making it seem like you're the problem. Let them go Because I'm telling you there are so many other guys in the world that will treat you better, that will just do a lot more for you. And it's hard because I know you don't wanna be with somebody else and you can't imagine being with anybody else and you don't wanna start over. But you kinda have to choose and I hope that this episode has helped you. I know that when I was going through it I was struggling so bad and all I could think about was his mom, because his mom and I are still best friends.

Speaker 2:

So if you're struggling about the family part people that are your friends and that you would consider extended family to you, if they decide to not wanna be in your life anymore because maybe you're not with their girlfriend or their son or their daughter, whatever it may be, then that's fine. They're not meant to be in your life at all. But you can't stay with somebody because of memories. You shouldn't stay with somebody because of their family and how much you love them or because you're scared to be alone, because that is only gonna make you stronger.

Speaker 2:

So, with all that being said, it's important to know when to let somebody go and when to hang on, and when to finally put your foot down and say you know what I'm gonna choose myself and even though it's gonna be hard, I'm gonna get through it and I'm gonna come out stronger and better things are gonna come my way when I open the doors and let them.

Speaker 2:

So walk away and work on yourself and do the things that you love to do when you were dating them all the time, because you tend to let go of things that you were always doing, like running or walking or going to yoga or reading or going to the library I don't care what it is you are feeling any of those things. Sometimes hitting rock bottom, letting somebody go, breaking up is seriously going to only help you, and I hope you guys enjoyed this episode and please let me know anything you guys want me to talk about lifestyle goals, achieving your goals, succeeding in life, going through ups and downs, going through change, whatever it may be, breakups, whatever I don't care. I will talk about it and, as always, love you, bye.